TalkBlog

--- Hey there, Popsicles! Today, I'm opening up about something weighing on my mind for a while now. it seems I can see it lurking in the shadows of my life like an uninvited guest at a party - the feeling of being an imposter in my own life.  You know that moment when you finally start to relax because everything seems to be going your way? Well, I barely get on that feeling for a solid 3 hours at a stretch; you know why? because there's no peace for me in this world. The moment I decide to curl up with a warm sock, a cold glass of yogurt, and my favorite book.  that's exactly when life decides to throw me a curveball. And me? Well, I decided to just stay delusional, I mean Staying Delulu is the Solulu  I've never been that person who juggles life like a pro, matter of fact if there's an award for people who suck at multitasking I would soar through and beat records. (now I imagine myself smiling like Simone Biles holding up medals) well in reality I probably would

  T oday I write because I have made a pact to turn in two pieces each week. Knowing me, I would say that's not at all sustainable. But today I would sit pretty and channel my violent tendencies onto my laptop. At least it would only highlight my mistakes in red instead of flat-out saying I'm saying nonsense. I write because, in this form, I don't hear the voice questioning everything I say or telling me what to do. I have imagined love; I have aspired to love (maybe marriage); or so I thought, as long as my memory could permit me. You know those 5-tier cakes with those stairways and the bride and groom? The messy order of photographs had the emcees going on and on about the list of people, the couple had to take photos with. And hell, it was chaotic, but it's me; I live for chaos. All I knew at 4 was the beautiful dress that the lovely aunties had to wear, and then the smoky, tasty jollof and beef waiting for me after. With the way we were training with the husband'

 The  cold feel of metal as I sliced it through my wrist, i felt a sting as i watched the blood seep out of my skin. I smiled, dragging the blade deeper into my skin. I didn't mean for it to happen this way, but this was my only true escape.   It a started with a thin line of blood that trickled down from my wrist to my fingers before the journey to kiss the broken tiles.    The blood of the broken on broken tiles what a marvelous coincidence, my mind transversed many timelines of my life but only in a few would I opt for survival. The pain exploded in my head with a blinding whiteness, It made me    dizzy. I was laying in a pool of my own blood slipping in and out of consciousness, the throbbing pains were what I considered a proof of life in this broken body. My spirit was no longer here, and my mind; scattered abroad.    And , just when the pain was at its worst, it dissipated, like fog off some eerie lake.  I reckon that everyone’s story must come to an end. But mine ended not

Everyday it’s a battle with self; Today the anxiety wraps around    me like a glove. There’s a swelling in my throat and a tightness in my chest, I keep telling myself to take a breather. But I feel like I’m under water, I’m submerged in the ocean of my thoughts. I’m fighting back the tears but some teardrops find their way through the barricades to my eyes.  The World is here to see a show,let’s give them one worth watching  🧶

  Maybe I’m supposed to figure out this whole maze called life alone? Or maybe I could just opt out (un-alive myself). Today I am furiously tapping on my keypads because the emotions I feel are anger, betrayal, disappointment, and pain, will you call me entitled for holding people by their very words? Am I the asshole for expecting some form of integrity? Well, I’ve been quiet here basically for a ton of reasons, the wall of cards I built and called my life scattered at the very gust of the whirlwind, some pieces went never to return again, and every time I try to write about it theirs the battle of emotions and waterworks. Maybe putting this out would do someone some good, I have no idea what it is supposed to do but here it goes. I came across this old photo on Snapchat and the caption was indeed true “No matter how horrible the worse feeling is, there’s going to be another one which is even worse and you don’t know about it yet” I was probably going through a rough patch when I

These days I have so much to say but most times I just stay at the blinking cursor, is it writer’s block, I have no words to trap and put down; they’re flying free like birds outside the Sydney museum. It’s definitely not joy that I feel down in me, this is intense pain it's swelling up inside of me and I’ve not been drinking yeast.           A mad professor told me once “I think it’s funny that you expect people to treat you the way you treat them” (inserts Joker laughter) life isn’t a fairytale your fairy godmother won’t appear one day and “hipity bipity boop” away all your pains you would face it and you would face most of it alone.  I feel we are going through similar struggles and so we should try making things easier for each other. It's rather disgusting to see broken people break other people ; but this is becoming a norm. 2019? We go buy benzzzzzzzzzz! Lol, you didn’t tell me I would see shege, you didn’t tell me I would fight for my life, you didn’t tell me I wo