GROWING UP AN ONLY CHILD

Growing up as only child has giving me a rare view of life, I’ve been constantly tagged with the only child syndrome with this tag which is somewhat overwhelming most times.  Just to correct the notion I don’t think any child decides to be an only child really, we should stop that. I’m an only child and aside growing up without siblings I don’t think I’m less of a human being than people with siblings. I never personally chose my status as an only child.

The feeling that comes with being an only child could be somewhat contradictory at some points, one minute I’m excited about the new video game my dad bought for me and the next I feel bad because I’ve seen the game is fun in a two player mode, one moment I’m excited about my big box of clothes and the next I wonder what it would have felt like if I had  senior sister to give me hand-me-downs or a younger sister who would constantly borrow my clothes and wear them when they feel I’ve forgotten. This roller-coaster feeling is what I feel is responsible for giving me this awkward mood swings;one moment I’m having  good laugh and then later that night I’m crying all through and could wake up with this swollen eyelids.

I’m not a proud person but growing up as only child taught me to be Self-sufficient which makes asking for help quite difficult for me even now. I grew up believing I could do it all by myself once mom feels you’re okay to do it yourself it became your job to make it happen, there was no elder sister to tie the bows of your new silk gown or drag your zipper up so you just had to do it yourself. I had to speak up for myself and battle school bullies alone, unlike some of my friends who had older siblings who stood up for them, I had nothing of such for me. The independence I experienced as a single child taught me to be responsible and to rely on my own prowess, but it also made it difficult for me to ask for help. I end up asking for help when I’ve completely exhausted myself with the dubious task. So yes I found my way myself through the good, the bad and the ugly, I found it out for myself, by myself.

I enjoyed undivided attention from both parents I was the favourite child you know (come on I’m the only child they really had no choice). The meat mom gives me in the kitchen whenever she steams meat, the walks with dad to buy suya in the evening, I had a sweet tooth I got chocolate and whenever my parents get cake at an event it was for my consumption. Even till now whenever I’m around they’d carry home the small chops they get from that function and get to eat it all alone without being forced to cut my chicken down because I had a younger one. Both parents had interest in my education so assignments got done under their watchful eyes, they showed up to events with you and showed you off like their little empress they never fail to show you off like a lady would show off her engagement ring; at  any oportunity they get. Oh my daughter is the Vice president of the press club, oh she’s active in the youths against aids club, she studies History and many others

In retrospect, I realized that being the centre of attention came with a cost. Do you know what it feels like having all the hope and desires pinned only on you? I knew there was no back up, I could not disappoint them, I just couldn’t fail, and I was IT. Constantly being on the public eye, we don’t cope well with public scrutiny. Constantly being reminded whenever I did wrong that they had no reserve anywhere else, I was expected to do it all- Be a sports medallist, the best debater, graduate the top of my class, get a high paying job, bring home the best guy, get married on time, the list is endless. I literally have to be the best daughter. Other days I tried to juggle up responsibilities, some days I feel if I was a boy it’d probably be better for my parents, the list is endless

Contrary to the way a lot of people view us as Spoilt Brats we get tough love too: when you know you have just one arrow I’m sure you’d want to give it your best shot really, similar to the way my parents didn’t want to spare any cost at making me the “perfect daughter”. I wore socks and shoes till I was like ten or something. you couldn’t be malnourished nope not on their watch this meant eaten beans or unripe plantain porridge even when I hated it, refusal meant the rod of correction then a ten minute class on what this class of food did for your body and bla bla bla. It was basically Dad, Mom and Me so basically you couldn’t just rotate chores or delegate them to a younger one (come on you’re the smallest in the house you know what that means? DISH WASHING IS BAE) for every only child with technological-challenged parents you’d understand this awkward calls and questions

“How do I turn on the computer?”

“My whatsapp messages are not going”

Help me pay this bills online, I don’t know how to”

 Being the only one who has a good knowledge modern technology. Fixing the decoder, taking phones off silent mode and all became your duty.

As the only child of very busy parents I think it built my creativity, I grew up surround by books, notebooks, pencils, crayons, imaginary friends and all. This has taught me to be my own entertainment and to create fun for myself, and now you could see me taking myself to ice cream parlours or cinemas alone of course. I also have learnt the value of personal time and personal space;at a point in my life I became cocooned into this make belief world I made for me that I became too detached from the “Real” world. But when I introspect, I feel all the alone time i spent made me somewhat mature for my age as it gave me time for reflection. I can agreeably gauge the perspective of the other person in a conversation, or an argument. But this also came at a price; most times I tend to overthink things, even the simple thing sand end up complicating them. Now that’s the downside of too much alone time

I was exposed to both the perks and the drawbacks of being an only child, and I’m particularly grateful for it. Whatever my faults and abilities are, I now cheerfully surmise to the world- it is because I am an only child. I am who I am today because of it and in spite of it.